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Does it get easier?
Solihull Doula • Mar 13, 2021
A message of hope to tired parents
Yesterday I met with a lovely group of women with their fairly new babies and some with toddlers in tow too. Firstly, I expressed my congratulations that they’d actually all made it out of the house for a specific time (something I never achieved with small people and still rarely do now!) The conversation quickly turned to me and whether I had children. Explaining that I have a 7 year old and 5 year old who are currently at school, they were quick to ask ‘does it get better?’
Put on the spot and thinking about my daily challenges, I paused and was a bit noncommittal, not wanting to alarm these sleep-deprived new parents. However, as I have reflected on my parenting journey over the last 24-hours, I can say with positivity and certainty, that yes, it does get better.
Do I still clean up poo? Yes.
Do I still make all the meals? Yes.
Do I still get sleepless nights? Yes.
Do I still get little me time? Yes.
However, the urgency and frequency of all these caring responsibilities has been diminished, meaning the experience has gradually got less intense. Also, the kids are more self-sufficient. Plus the opportunity to have time to myself has enlarged exponentially with both children now being in school (under normal circumstances of course!) But it has happened so slowly that I hadn’t really taken in the full extent of how far I have come.
I no longer need to plan my day around nap times and feeds, have to take bottles, snacks, dummies, muslins, change of clothes (for me and them), and nappy bags with me everywhere we go. A drink and coat usually suffice. I don’t co-sleep or lay on cold bedroom floors holding little hands as they drop off but occasionally one will sneak in during the night. I don’t feel touched out or sore nippled. I would no longer sell my kidney for a lay in. They are not by my side every waking moment of every day. Yes there are still challenging days but I have most importantly been able to gain a bit of myself back - I read, run my business around my family and get to meet up with friends from time-to-time. That, and more uninterrupted sleep make everything else seem okay.
So for now tired parents, accept all the offers of help you can for food prep, house work and babysitting. Where you can afford to, get a cleaner, hire a postnatal Doula, buy some prepared food. When you can, put your feet up instead of doing a pile of washing. Get some fresh air everyday if you can (even if you just put your coat on over your 3-day old t-shirt with the milk stains on). Let your standards slide where you can’t do it all. Take all the opportunities to snuggle up and sleep next to your sleeping baby. Even on the days that it feels like you’re not achieving anything or you haven’t got anything done, you are doing the most important work of all - showing up and loving your child, feeding them and keeping them safe. That’s all you need to do right now. The rest is a bonus that maybe you’ll achieve some days. And believe me when I say, it does absolutely get better.
Melanie
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